Communication 101: Addressing Charged Issues

A quick google search on the topic will connect you with a long list of strategies on how to work with angry clients, civil rights disputes, workplace disagreements, student problem behavior, and more. What the list doesn’t provide are insightful and useful strategies for identifying and communicating our most intimate and/or valued thoughts, feelings, and emotions with the people closest to us.

What is a charged issue?

charged

We define it as any emotional reaction stemming from communicating needs, wants, desires, or opinions. In essence, it is touching into what we believe and sharing that with others. When we do this we are vulnerable and risk rejection. Being vulnerable goes against our evolutionary instinct. But this instinct also holds us back from communing and creating relationships with others. We must move past this instinct in order to live happy, healthy, rich lives in communion with others.

Situations a charged issue might occur:

  • Asking an employer for a raise, time off, or to change positions.
  • Asking someone on a date.
  • Communicating the feeling of rejection from a friend, partner, or parent.
  • Explaining an important opinion or decision which one perceives as negative to another.

The sensation related to addressing and communicating charged issues:

  • Tightness or tension in the shoulders or hands
  • Clenched jaw
  • Butterflies in the stomach
  • Sweat
  • Shortness of breath

Ineffective, yet common, strategies for communicating charged and emotional includes:

  • Avoidance or distraction
  • Indirect communication in the form of complaints and/or gossip.
  • Emotional reactions in the form of yelling, shouting
  • Righteousness – “I am right and good” “You are wrong and bad”

Applicable and effective strategies  for communicating charged, emotional issues.

Decoding and understanding problem, face to face explanation concept

  • Pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and emotions as well as how they influence your actions. Having a contemplative meditation practice, journaling routine or close friend or counselor with whom you discuss and process your thoughts, feelings, and emotions supports the ability to pay attention and respond accordingly and with care.
  • Take a tactical pause. Communicate with the other individual that you need some time to think before responding. Setting this boundary tells the other you are choosing not to react in the moment, but rather you value what they are saying and want to fully process before responding. A 5 minute “break” or walk around the block can be all you need for a smaller decision. Use the 24 – 48 hour rule for bigger, more charged issues.
  • Consciously decide how to respond to a conflict or charged situation. After having recognized your thoughts, feelings, and emotions and how they are influencing your actions and taking a tactical pause, you can consciously decide how best to respond. Keep in mind the impact of what is being communicated by asking yourself the following questions: Is it in your best interest? The other persons? It is coming from a place of fear, anger, regret? A place of love and care for yourself or the other person involved? Simply put: it is going to benefit your own personal growth or that or the other person?
  • After complementing thoughts, feelings, and emotions, taking the tactical pause, and deciding how to respond, remember to use “I” statements during the conversation. Talking from your own individual experience is safe, and makes no assumptions. Experiment with the sentence frame “When ___________ happens, I feel ____________”.

Want to Work on These Skills in More Depth?

JOIN CODY LEE AND CAITLIN HEGWOOD

OCTOBER 4TH, 11TH, 18TH, AND 25TH

5:30-7:00 PM IN KETCHUM

This workshop teaches skills to create healthy relationships in every context of life, whether seeking support and information to develop your relationship with your partner, family members or co-workers. There is something for everyone! We will focus on communication as a foundation for everything, mindful listening/ speaking skills, sexual communication, addressing charged issues, and developing a plan to co-create life.

For more information or questions, email Caitlin at Caitlin4wellness@gmail.com or call her at 208-30-1948. Reach out to Cody by emailing mannavprocess@gmail.com.

Register HERE for the Relationships Workshop

Creating and Sustaining Healthy Relationships Workshop 2018

Register HERE for the Relationships Workshop


September and October Movement and Meditation Updated Schedule

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Relax and Recharge: A 25 Minute Sitting Meditation

Studies show the more we practice meditation, the easier it is to access a relaxed, aware state of being throughout the day. Take a minute (or 25!) to sit down and meditate using my guided sitting meditation practice focused on the breath and body sensations. This meditation was recorded at the Yoga and Mindfulness Workshop August 25th, 2018. 

Rest, Relax, Recharge, Repeat. 

Be Well,

Caitlin


Don’t Forget!

Movement and Mindfulness 

Mondays at Flourish 1030 Aiport Way Hailey

6:00 – 7:00 PM

30 Minutes Slow Flow Yoga

30 Minutes Meditation

Call me at 208-309-1948 or email me at Caitlin4Wellness@gmail.com for more information

September and October Schedule 2018 (1)

 


Join Cody Lee and I in October for a 4 Week Focused Workshop on Creating and Sustaining Healthy Relationships

Week 1:Communication as a foundation for everything

Week 2: Mindful Listening/ Speaking Skills and Communication Pitfalls 

Week 3: Fostering Connections, Sexual Communication, and Addressing Charged Issues

Week 4: Developing a Plan to Co-Create Life

Go to www.Incorporate-Wellness.com/Relationships-Workshop/ for more information and to register

Creating and Sustaining Healthy Relationships Workshop 2018


Resources

Mayo Clinic – Meditation Benefits

Thank you + Fall Class and Workshop Schedule … Be Well with Me!

Thank you!!

I want to give a HUGE thank you to everyone who came to the workshop Saturday at Pure Body Bliss is Hailey! It was a truly wonderful morning filled with intention setting, mindfulness tools, yoga, and relaxing the mind and body through meditation.

I also want to thank all of you who were unable to be present in a physical sense but support me (family, friends, the Wood River Valley and beyond) on this path toward conscious living, radical acceptance, and love. I continue to feel amazed by each individual I meet along this path. I learn so much from each one of you! I am forever grateful.


Some Exciting Opportunities Coming Your Way!

September – I am super jazzed to be bringing the Movement and Mindfulness Donation Based Class taught in Hailey Monday nights to Ketchum on Wednesday nights beginning September 5th. The space is located near Lizzy’s Coffee on N. Main St. in Ketchum in Unit 991-13 (more information below).

October – 4 Week Relationship Workshop October 4th, 11th, 18th, and 25th from 5:30-7:00 PM. with Cody Lee and Me! Cody Lee is the co-creator of ManQuest and founder of the ManNav process Helping Men Create A Life Worth Living (TEDX Talk below). Together we will discuss communication, provide tools and skills for developing and maintaining healthy relationships, and a process on how to co-create life. This workshop is geared toward supporting you in every relationship; intimate relationships, family, co-workers, and friends. Find out more by scrolling down or clicking here.

YOGA AND MINDFULNESS SEPTEMBER AND OCTOBER

September and October Schedule 2018


CREATING AND SUSTAINING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS WORKSHOP

JOIN CODY LEE AND CAITLIN HEGWOOD

OCTOBER 4TH, 11TH, 18TH, AND 25TH

5:30-7:00 PM IN KETCHUM

This workshop teaches skills to create healthy relationships in every context of life, whether seeking support and information to develop your relationship with your partner, family members or co-workers. There is something for everyone! We will focus on communication as a foundation for everything, mindful listening/ speaking skills, sexual communication, addressing charged issues, and developing a plan to co-create life.

For more information or questions, email Caitlin at Caitlin4wellness@gmail.com or call her at 208-30-1948. Reach out to Cody by emailing mannavprocess@gmail.com.

Creating and Sustaining Healthy Relationships Workshop 2018

TO SIGN UP FILL OUT THE REGISTRATION FORM BELOW!


The beautiful photo of the Boulder Mountains belongs to Mr. Steve Dondero.

A Meditation: Moving from Shame to Compassion

Shame is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. It is something that feels unforgivable. In Buddhism it’s called the second arrow; the arrow first being the event, the second being the judgement.

When we can recognize the shaming thoughts, allow the sensations to be there, and investigate the cause of the action non-judgmentally, the entire narrative surrounding the event shifts. We can see the behavior and hold it with compassion, leading us the the N of RAIN, nourish.

Register for my Yoga and Mindfulness Workshop August 25th from 9:00 AM to Noon!

Yoga and Mindfulness Workshop 2018


The Practice

Observing the arrows


Creating a Mindful, Compassionate Community

Flourish Revival – A Celebration of Virtue

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Flourish’s Mission

SINCE 2010, FLOURISH FOUNDATION HAS INNOVATED AND FACILITATED PROGRAMS THAT TEACH LIFE SKILLS AND TRANSFORMATIVE TOOLS THROUGH ETHICS AND VALUES, MEDITATION AND EMOTIONAL AWARENESS.

The heart of our work focuses on the human potential to be morally and ethically responsible world citizens. Through our tenure as a social-profit we have seen that nurturing this potential individually and collectively empowers us all to care deeply for ourselves, each other and the planet.


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Recovery Coach Post Card Updated 514

12 More Days – Yoga and Mindfulness Workshop

12 more days until the Yoga and Mindfulness Workshop at Pure Body Bliss in Hailey, Idaho!

Join me for mindful games, foundational meditation practices, and slow flow and restorative yoga from 9-Noon Saturday August 25th. Sign up below!


New on the website!

There is a new page for those seeking clarity! Chat Room Q&A for all your recovery, mindfulness, meditation, and yoga questions. Ask anything, respond to anything. This is how we build a community of learners, thinkers, and growers 🙂

There is also a Let’s Chat! box available for you to communicate directly and privately with me whenever you have a question or comment.

Finally, and most excitedly, there is now a Shop feature on the website! Add the Yoga and Mindfulness Workshop to your cart, Recovery Coaching Sessions, Yoga Privates, and Online Courses (coming soon!).

Yoga and Mindfulness Workshop 2018


Practice With Me!

August Yoga Schedule 2018

Recovery Toolkit 101

In our first few months of sobriety it can be easy to move quickly from thought to action. Tough day at work? Argument with a loved one? Tired, hungry, and stressed? The thought, “I need a drink (cigarette, cookie, edible…)” pops into one’s mind and, if alcohol/nicotine/marijuana/food is accessible, BOOM! Thought turns into action.

When this happens one needs immediate access to tools to create space, comfort, and a new behavioral pattern for dealing with triggers which doesn’t have to do with substances. As we get more practiced with having this thought and doing nothing about it, these thoughts become less charged, and there is space between thought and action. In this space we get to choose how to respond.

Struggling with addiction?


How to Start a Toolkit

  • Cleanse your environment of the substance or substance reminders (beer bottles on the mantle, lighters on the counter, cinnamon rolls near the fruit basket)
    • If you have to keep the drug of choice in your house, move it to an area “off limits” to you or a space out of eye sight.
  • Take 10 deep breaths.
  • Go on a walk in the park or around the block. Moving your body allows to brain to readjust and move from the “stuck” place.
  • Practice S.T.I.C. – Stop, Take a Breath, Imagine the Future Consequences, and Choose.
  • Rest for 5 minutes, lay down, close your eyes, and just breathe.
  • Take 5 minutes to meditate, offer yourself loving kindness, and observe the wave or craving rise and fall.
  • Carry essential oils. Lavender, peppermint, geranium, orange blossom, and frankincense all work wonders on alcohol cravings and relaxing the nervous system immediately.
  • Just take a few drops of pure essential oil, rub it into your palms, inhale deeply and you’ve got a quick fix.
  • Carry chamomile, peppermint, or kava teabags.
  • Carry GABA Calm lozenges and pop one under your tongue.
  • Learn R.A.I.N. – Recognize, Accept, Investigate, Non-Attachment.
  • Take a bath.
  • Listen to a song, or better yet an entire album, before taking action. 

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Yoga and Mindfulness Workshop 2018

Recovery Coach Post Card Updated 514

August Yoga Schedule 2018

Private Yoga (1)